This is so important for parents...
to read carefully
Hi there brothers and sisters in Christ, it's been awhile since have posted as there have been huge turns of events in my life over the past couple of years. My neuropathic diabetes, my gall bladder removed. I am still suffering from severe kidney malfunction and my feet swell very painfully to double their size from mid afternoon.
However, God is great and I am meditating on His word, standing in faith and the fruit of the spirit to the body. I am trusting Him for finance for medication and surgery to my lower back where a pinched nerve is apparently the cause.
Enough about me. This post is to the Glory of God. He is in charge and we thank Him for whatever comes our way in Jesus mighty name Amen.
This file was updated and provided by:
Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
Box 314
Columbus, New Jersey, USA, 08022
Website: www.biblebb.com
Email: tony@biblebb.com
Online since 1986
Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
Box 314
Columbus, New Jersey, USA, 08022
Website: www.biblebb.com
Email: tony@biblebb.com
Online since 1986
When I came across this article I simple couldn't resist putting it up here on Knowing Gods Love. Why? Because it's a real eye opener. I wasn't saved when I had children, I bought them up the way I was brought up; with love and discipline.
I became a child of God in 1987. Then things got out of hand in my first marriage. I backslid and in my bitterness I became a poor example of a parent. I drank openly and often smoked. I commanded and I punished.
Then something happened in my spirit. I turned to God and repented for my hard heart. As time went by I began noticing the changes in our youth compared to when I was just ten years old. I noticed how often they lied to their parents, hid things from them, did things behind their backs and no one knew the least.
Then I noticed how children of such a young age no matter how cheeky they were, remained the apple of mommy and daddy's eye and just couldn't do wrong; "shame baby, don't worry here have some liquor".
Our youth of today in majority, will be left in a terrible place thanks to mommy and daddy. But mommy and daddy aren't interested. Sound familiar?
The really scary part will be when we are reminded that they don't belong to us, they are not our children and we were warned not to be a bad influence to anyone, let alone His children. Wow! Are we above Our Mighty God??!! to make any excuse here on earth? That won't be the case when the time comes.
God bless you and chat soon!
This is so important for parents to read carefully
Preface
For more than a century, J. C. Ryle was
best known for his clear and lively writings on practical and spiritual themes.
His great aim in all his ministry was to encourage strong and serious Christian
living. But Ryle was not in his understanding of how this should be done. He
recognized that, as a pastor of the flock of God, he had a responsibility to
guard Christ's sheep and to warn them whenever he saw approaching dangers. His
penetrating comments are as wise and relevant today, as they were when he first
wrote them. His sermons and other writings have been consistently recognized,
and their usefulness and impact have continued to the present day, even in the
outdated English of the author's own day.
Why then should expositions already so
successful and of such stature and proven usefulness require adaptation,
revision, rewrite or even editing? The answer is obvious. To increase its
usefulness to today's reader the language in which it was originally written
needs updating.
Though his sermons have served other
generations well, just as they came from the pen of the author in the
nineteenth century, they still could be lost to present and future generations
simply because, to them, the language is neither readily nor fully
understandable.
My goal, however, has not been to reduce
the original writing to the vernacular of our day. It is designed primarily for
you who desire to read and study comfortably and at ease in the language of our
time. Only obviously archaic terminology and passages obscured by expressions
not totally familiar in our day have been revised. However, neither Ryle's
meaning nor intent have been tampered with.
Tony Capoccia
All Scripture references are taken from
the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION (C) 1978 by the New York Bible
Society, used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
This
updated and revised manuscript is copyrighted ã 1998 by
Tony Capoccia.
All
rights reserved.
The Duties of Parents
by
J.
C. Ryle
(1816-1900)
(1816-1900)
"Train
a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from
it."
[Proverbs 22:6]
[Proverbs 22:6]
I believe that most professing Christians
are acquainted with our sermon text. The sound of it is probably very familiar
to your ears, like an old tune. It is likely that you have heard it, or read
it, talked of it, or quoted it, many times. Is that not true?
But, despite it being a well-known Bible
verse, how little do we regard its truth! The doctrine it contains appears
scarcely known, the duty it puts before us is seldom put into practice. My
friends, am I not speaking the truth?
It cannot be said that the subject is a
new one. The world is old, and we have the experience of nearly six thousand
years to help us. We live in days when there is a mighty zeal for education. We
hear of new schools rising up everywhere. We are told of new systems, and new
books for the young, of every sort and description. And still for all of this,
the vast majority of children are clearly not trained in the way they should
go, for when they grow up, they do not walk with God.
Now how do we account for this state of
affairs? The plain truth is, the Lord's commandment in our text is not
regarded; and therefore the Lord's promise in our text is not fulfilled.
Friends, these things may cause you to
seriously search your hearts. Permit a word of exhortation from a minister,
about the right training of children. Believe me, the subject is one that
should hit home to every conscience, and make every one ask himself the
question, "In the matter of training children, am I doing what I am
supposed to do?"
It is a subject that concerns almost
everyone. There is hardly a household that it does not touch. Parents,
teachers, grandfathers, grandmothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters—all have
an interest in it. Few can be found, I think, who might not influence some
parent in the management of his family, or affect the training of some child by
suggestion or advice. All of us, I suspect, can do something here, either
directly or indirectly, and I wish to stir up everyone to remember this.
It is also a subject, on which everyone
concerned are in great danger of falling short of their duty. This is notably a
point in which men can see the faults of their neighbors more clearly than
their own. They will often raise their children in the very path which they
have denounced to their friends as unsafe. They will see little problems in
other people's families, and overlook major ones in their own. They will have
the eyesight of an eagle in detecting mistakes everywhere else, and yet be
blind as bats to the fatal errors which are daily going on in their own homes.
They will be wise about their brother's house, but foolish about their own flesh
and blood. Here, if anywhere, we have need to suspect our own judgment. This,
too, you will do well to keep in mind.
As a minister, I cannot help remarking
that there is hardly any subject about which people seem so stubborn as they
are about their own children. I have sometimes been absolutely astonished at
the slowness of sensible Christian parents to accept the fact, that their own
children are at fault, or deserve blame. There are many persons to whom I would
much rather speak about their own sins, than to tell them that their children
had done anything wrong.
Come now, and let me place before you a
few hints about the proper training of children. May God the Father, God the
Son, and God the Holy Spirit bless them, and make them timely words to everyone
of you. Do not reject them because they are blunt and simple; do not despise
them because they contain nothing new. You can be sure, that if you want to
train your children for heaven, then the hints that that follow ought not to be
lightly set aside.
Hint #1. If you want to train your children correctly, train
them in the way they should go, and not in the way that they want to go.
Remember children are born with a definite
bias towards evil, and therefore if you let them choose for themselves, they
are certain to choose wrong.
The mother cannot tell what her tender
little infant may grow up to be—tall or short, weak or strong, wise or
foolish—he may be any of these things or not—it is all uncertain. But one thing
the mother can say with certainty: he will have a corrupt and sinful heart. It
is natural for us to do wrong. "Folly," says Solomon, "is bound
up in the heart of a child" [Proverbs 22:15]. "A child left to
himself disgraces his mother" [Proverbs 29:15]. Our hearts are like the
earth on which we walk; leave it alone, and it is sure to bear weeds.
If, then, you want to be wise in dealing
with your child, then you must not leave him to the guidance of his own will.
Think for him, judge for him, act for him, just as you would for one who is
weak and blind; but for pity's sake, do not allow him to pursue his own unruly
tastes and inclinations. It must not be his tendencies and wishes that are
favored. He does not yet know what is good for his mind and soul, any more than
what is good for his body. You do not let him decide what he will eat, and what
he will drink, and how he will be clothed. Be consistent, and deal with his
mind in the same manner. Train him in the way that is scriptural and right, and
not in the way that he thinks is right.
If you cannot agree with this first
principle of Christian training, then it is useless for you to listen any
further. Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child's mind;
and it must be your first step to resist it.
Hint #2. Train your child with all tenderness, affection, and
patience.
I do not mean that you are to spoil him,
but I do mean that you should let him see that you love him.
Love should be the golden thread that runs
through all your actions in dealing with the child. Kindness, gentleness, tolerance,
patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness
to take part in childish joys—these are the cords by which a child may be led
most easily—these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to
his heart.
Most persons, even among grown-up people,
are more easily led than they are to be pushed. There is that in all of our
minds which rises up against compulsion; we straighten up our backs and stiffen
our necks at the very thought of a forced obedience. We are like young horses
in the hand of a trainer: handle them kindly, and they will learn quickly, and
in time you may guide them with a piece of thread; but treat them and use them
roughly and violently, and it will be many months before you get mastery over them—if
at all.
Now children's minds are cast in much the
same mold as our own. Sternness and severity of manner causes them to be
unresponsive and to back away. It shuts up their hearts, and you will wear
yourself out trying to find the door. But only let them see that you have an
affectionate feeling towards them—that you really desire to make them happy,
and do them good—that if you punish them, it is intended for their good, and
that, like the pelican, you would give your heart's blood to nourish their souls;
let them see this, and they will soon be yours to mold and shape. But they must
be wooed with kindness, if you ever hope to win their attention.
And surely reason itself might teach us
this lesson. Children are weak and tender creatures, and, as such, they need
patient and considerate treatment. We must handle them delicately, like frail
objects, lest by rough handling we do more harm than good. They are like young
plants, and need gentle watering—often, only a little at a time.
We must not expect everything at once. We
must remember what children are, and teach them as they are able to bear. Their
minds are like a lump of metal—not to be forged and made useful all at once,
but only after a succession of little blows of the forger’s hammer. Their ability
to understand what we are teaching them is like the small opening of a wine
bottle: we must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or else most of it
will be spilled and lost. Our rule must be, "Precept upon precept, precept
upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, a little here and a little
there." The hard stone used to sharpen knives does its work slowly, but
frequent rubbing will bring it to a fine edge. Truly there is a need of
patience in this training of a child, for without it nothing can be done.
Nothing will compensate for the absence of
this tenderness and love. A minister may speak the truth as it is in Jesus,
clearly and with all authority; but if he does not speak it in love, few souls
will be won. Likewise, you must set before your children their responsibilities
to God—you can command, threaten, punish, and try to reason with them—but if
love is missing in the way you treat them, then your labor will be all in vain.
Love is the one great secret of successful
training. Anger and harshness may frighten them, but they will not persuade the
child that you are right; and if he often sees you angry and harsh, you will
soon cease to have his respect. A father who speaks to his son as Saul did to
Jonathan, saying. "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I
know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the
shame of the mother who bore you?" [1 Samuel 20:30], that father who
speaks like this cannot expect to retain his influence over that son's mind.
Try hard to maintain your child's
affections. It is a dangerous thing to make your children afraid of you.
Anything is almost better than the coldness and bitterness that will come
between you and your children, because they are afraid of you. Fear puts an end
to openness between the parent and child—fear leads to concealment—fear sows
the seed of hypocrisy, and leads to many lies. There is a great deal of truth
in the Apostle's words to the Colossians: "Fathers, do not embitter your
children, or they will become discouraged. [Colossians 3:21] Do not ignore his
advice.
Hint #3. Train your children with a lasting conviction in your
mind, that most of it depends on you.
Grace is the strongest of all principles.
See what a great change grace effects when it comes into the heart of an old
sinner—how it overturns the strongholds of Satan—how it throws down mountains,
and fills up valleys—makes crooked things straight—and newly creates the whole
man. Truly nothing is impossible for grace.
Nature, too, is very strong. See how it
struggles against the things of the kingdom of God—how it fights against every
attempt to be more holy—how it keeps up an unceasing warfare within us to the
very last hour of life. Indeed, nature is strong.
But after nature and grace, undoubtedly, there
is nothing more powerful than education. Early habits are very important. We
are made what we are by training. Our character takes the form of that mold
into which our first years are cast. It has been said, that, "Education
has a tremendous effect on men's opinions and thinking habits. What children
learn in the nursery, will be displayed throughout their lives."—Cecil.
We heavily depend on those who bring us
up. We get from them a taste and a bias which clings to us most of the days of
our lives. We learn the language of our mothers and fathers, and learn to speak
it almost without thinking, and unquestionably we catch something of their
manners, ways, and mind at the same time. Time will tell, how much we all owe
to early impressions, and how many things in us may be traced back to the seeds
sown in the days of our infancy, by those who were around us. A very educated
Englishman, has gone so far as to say: "That of all the men we meet with,
nine out of ten are what they are, good or bad, useful or not, according to
their education"—Locke
And all this is one of God's merciful
arrangements. He gives your children a mind that will receive impressions like
moist clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting-point of life to
believe what you tell them, and to take for granted what you advise them, and
to trust your word rather than a stranger's. He gives you, in short, a golden
opportunity of doing them good. See that you do not neglect such an
opportunity. Once you let it slip, it is gone forever.
Beware of that miserable delusion into
which some have fallen—that parents can do nothing for their children, that you
must leave them alone, wait for grace, and sit still. These parents would like
their children to die the death of the righteous person, but they do nothing to
help them live a righteous life. They have great hope, but they receive
nothing. And the devil rejoices to see such thinking, just as he always does
over anything which seems to excuse laziness, or to encourage neglect.
I know that you cannot convert your child.
I know that they who are born again are born, not of the will of man, but of
God. But I also know that God specifically says, "Train a child in the way
he should go," and that He never gave a command to men and women which He
would not give them the grace to perform. And I also know that our duty is not
to stand still and dispute the command, but to go forward and obey it. It is
only when we move out in obedience that God will meet us. The path of obedience
is the way in which He gives the blessing. We only have to do as the servants
were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water-pots with
water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine.
Hint #4. Train with this thought continually before your
eyes—that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered.
Precious, no doubt, are these little ones
in your eyes; but if you truly love them, then often think about their souls.
Nothing should concern you as greatly as their eternal destiny. No part of them
should be so dear to you as that part which will never die. The world, with all
its glory, will pass away; "The heavens will disappear with a roar; the
elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid
bare." But the spirit which dwells in those little creatures, whom you
love so well, will outlive them all, and whether they spend eternity in
happiness or misery will depend a lot on you (speaking from man’s perspective).
This is the thought that should be uppermost
on your mind in all that you do for your children. In every step you take about
them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not
leave out that mighty question, "How will this affect their souls?"
To love the soul is to really love. To pet
and pamper and indulge your child, as if this world was all he had to look
forward to, and this life the only period of happiness—to do this is not true
love, but cruelty. It is treating him like some beast of the earth, which has
only one world to look to, and nothing after death. It is hiding from him that
grand truth, which he ought to be made to learn from his very infancy—that the
number one goal of his life is the salvation of his soul.
A true Christian must not be a slave to what’s
currently "in-fashion," if he wants to train his child for heaven. He
must not be content to teach them and instruct them in certain ways, merely
because it is customary, or to allow them to read books of a questionable sort,
merely because everybody else reads them, or to let them form bad habits,
merely because they are the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his
children's souls. He must not be ashamed to hear his training called odd and
strange. What if it is? The time is short—the customs of this world are passing
away. He that has trained his children for heaven, rather than for the
earth—for God, rather than for man—he is the parent that will be called wise in
the end.
Hint #5. Train your child to have a knowledge of the Bible.
You cannot make your children love the
Bible, I admit. No one but the Holy Spirit can give us a heart to delight in
the Word. But you can make sure that your children are acquainted with the
Bible; and remember that they can never become acquainted with that blessed
book too soon, or too well.
A thorough knowledge of the Bible is the
foundation of all proper views of true religion. He that is well-grounded in
the Bible will not generally be found to be a person who wavers in his beliefs.
He will not be blown and tossed by every wind of new doctrine. Any system of
training which does not make the knowledge of Scripture the first priority is
unsafe and unsound.
You need to be very careful on this point,
for the devil is in the world, and false doctrine abounds. Some are to be found
among us who wrongly give to the Church the honor that is due to Jesus Christ.
Some are to be found who make "rituals and forms" into saviors and
passports to eternal life. And some are to be found in like manner who honor a catechism
more than the Bible, or fill the minds of their children with miserable little
story-books, instead of the Scripture of truth. But if you love your children,
let the simple truths of the Bible be everything in the training of their
souls; and let all other books take second place.
Do not care so much for your children
being mighty in the catechism, as for them being mighty in the Scriptures. This
is the training, believe me, that God will honor. The Psalmist says to God,
"You have exalted above all things Your name and Your word." [Psalm
138:2] and I think that He gives a special blessing to everyone who tries to
magnify His Word and His Name among children.
See that your children read the Bible
reverently. Train them to look upon it, not as the word of men, but as it truly
is, the Word of God, written by the Holy Spirit Himself—all true, all
profitable, and able to make us wise for salvation through faith in Christ
Jesus.
See that they read it regularly. Train
them to regard it as their soul's daily food—as something essential to their
soul's daily health. I well know that you cannot make this anything more than a
form; but there is no telling the amount of sin which a mere form may
indirectly restrain.
See that they read it all. You need not
shrink from bringing any doctrine before them. You need not assume that the
leading doctrines of Christianity are things which children cannot understand.
Children understand far more of the Bible than we are apt to suppose.
Tell them of sin, its guilt, its
consequences, its power, its vileness: you will find they can comprehend this.
Tell them of the Lord Jesus Christ, and
His work for our salvation—the atonement, the cross, the blood, the sacrifice,
the intercession: you will discover that it is not beyond them to understand.
Tell them of the work of the Holy Spirit
in man's heart, how He changes, and renews, and sanctifies, and purifies: you
will soon see they can follow your teaching to some degree. In short, I believe
that we have no idea how much a little child can take in of the length and
breadth of the glorious gospel. They understand far more of these things than
we suppose.
As to the age when the
religious instruction of a child should begin, no general rule can be laid
down. The mind seems to open in some children much more quickly than in others.
We seldom begin too early. There are wonderful examples on record of what a
child can attain to, even at three years of age.
Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the
Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible, the whole Bible, even while
they are young.
Hint #6. Train them to have a habit of prayer.
Prayer is the very life-breath of true
religion. It is one of the first evidences that a man is born again.
"Behold," said the Lord of Saul, in the day he sent Ananias to him,
"Behold, he is praying" [Acts 9:11, KJV]. He had begun to pray, and
that was proof enough. Prayer was the distinguishing mark of the Lord's people
in the day that there began to be a separation between them and the world. The
Bible says, "At that time men began to call on the name of the LORD"
[Genesis 4:26].
Prayer is the distinction of all real
Christians. They pray—for they tell God their needs, their feelings, their
desires, their fears; and they mean what they say. The person who is a
Christian in name only may repeat prayers over and over, but he goes no
further. Prayer is the turning-point in a man's soul. Our ministry is
unprofitable, and our labor is in vain, until you are brought to your knees.
Till then, we have no hope for you.
Prayer is the one great secret of
spiritual prosperity. When there is frequent private communion with God, your
soul will grow like the grass after the rain; when the communication is
infrequent, everything will come to a stop, you will barely keep your soul
alive. Show me a growing Christian, a strong Christian, a flourishing
Christian, and I am sure, that he is one that speaks often with his Lord. He
asks much, and he has much. He tells Jesus everything, and so he always knows
how to act.
Prayer is the mightiest weapon that God
has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every difficulty, and
the surest remedy in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks the treasury of
promises, and the hand that draws forth grace and help in time of need. It is
the silver trumpet that God commands us to sound in all our necessity, and it
is the cry He has promised always to listen to, just as a loving mother listens
attentively to the voice of her child.
Prayer is the simplest means that man can
use in coming to God. It is within the reach of everyone—the sick, the aged,
the paralytic, the blind, the poor, the uneducated—everyone can pray. It gains
you nothing to plead your need of learning, and need of books, and your need of
scholarship in this matter. So long as you have a tongue to speak of your
soul's state, you must and should pray. Those words, "You do not have,
because you do not ask God." [James 4:2], will be a fearful condemnation
to many in the day of judgment.
Parents, if you love your children, do all
that lies within your power to train them to have a habit of prayer. Show them
how to begin. Tell them what to say. Encourage them to persevere. Remind them
that if they become careless and slack about it. Let it not be your fault, if
they never call on the name of the Lord.
Remember, that this is the first step in
religion which a child is able to take. Long before he can read, you can teach
him to kneel by his mother's side, and repeat the simple words of prayer and
praise which she puts in his mouth. And as the first steps in any undertaking
are always the most important, so is the manner in which your children's
prayers are prayed, a point which deserves your closest attention. Few seem to
know how much depends on this. You must be careful that they don’t say their
prayers in a hasty, careless, and irreverent manner. You must beware of giving
up the oversight of this matter to others, or of trusting too much to your
children doing it when left to themselves. I cannot praise that mother who
never personally looks after this most important part of her child's daily
life. Surely if there is any habit which your own hand and eye should help in
forming, it is the habit of prayer. Believe me, if you never hear your children
pray yourself, you are much to blame. You are not much wiser than the bird
described in the Book of Job, "She lays her eggs on the ground and lets
them warm in the sand, unmindful that a foot may crush them, that some wild
animal may trample them. She treats her young harshly, as if they were not
hers; she cares not that her labor was in vain." [Job 39:14-16]
Prayer is, of all habits, the one which we
remember the longest. Many an elderly man could tell you how his mother used to
make him pray in the days of his childhood. Other things have passed away from
his mind perhaps, but not this. The church where he was taken to worship, the
minister whom he heard preach, the companions who used to play with him—all
these have passed from his memory, and left no mark behind. But you will often
find it is far different with his first prayers. He will often be able to tell
you where he knelt, and what he was taught to say, and even how his mother
looked while they prayed together. It will be as fresh in his mind as if it was
only yesterday.
Oh, dear friend, if you love your
children, I charge you, do not let the early impression of a habit of prayer
slip by. If you train your children to do anything, train them, at least, to
have a habit of prayer.
Hint #7. Train them to be faithful and regular in attending
church and the Lord’s Supper.
Tell them of the duty and privilege of
going to Church, and joining in the prayers of the congregation. Tell them that
wherever the Lord's people are gathered together, there the Lord Jesus is
present in a special way, and that those who are absent must expect, like the
Apostle Thomas, to miss out on a blessing. Tell them of the importance of
hearing the Word of God preached, and that it is God's ordained way of
converting, sanctifying, and building up the souls of men. Tell them how the
Apostle Paul commands us not to "give up meeting together, as some are in
the habit of doing, but to encourage one another—and all the more as we see the
Day approaching." [Hebrews 10:25]
It is a sad sight in a church when nobody
comes to the Lord's Table but the older people, and the young men and the young
women all turn away. But it is a sadder sight still when no children are to be
seen in a church, except those who come to the Sunday School, and are often
obliged to attend. Let none of this guilt lie at your doors. There are many
boys and girls in every city, besides those who come to Sunday School, and you
who are their parents and friends should see to it that they come with you to
church.
Do not allow them to grow up with a habit
of making vain excuses for not coming. Make them clearly understand, that so
long as they are under your roof, it is the rule of your house for every one in
good health to honor the Lord on the Lord's day, and that you believe that the
healthy person who refuses to go to church on the Lord’s Day brings great harm
to his soul.
Also see to it, if it can be arranged,
that your children go with you to church, and sit near you when they are there.
To go to church is one thing, but to behave well at church is quite another.
And believe me, there is no guarantee for good behavior like that of having
them under your own watchful eye.
The minds of young people are easily
distracted, and their attention lost, and every possible means should be used
to counteract this. I do not like to see them coming to church by
themselves—they often get into bad company, and so learn more evil on the
Lord's day than in all the rest of the week. Neither do I like to see what I
call "a young people's corner" in a church. They often catch habits
of inattention and irreverence there, which it takes years to unlearn, if they
are ever unlearned at all. What I like to see is a whole family sitting
together, old and young, side by side—men, women, and children, serving God as
a family.
But there are some who say that it is
useless to urge children to attend church and the Lord’s Supper, because they
are too young to understand them.
Do not listen to such reasoning. I find no
such doctrine in the Old Testament. When Moses goes before Pharaoh, I observe
that he says, "We will go with our young and old, with our sons and
daughters, because we are to celebrate a festival to the LORD." [Exodus
10:9] When Joshua read God’s Law, I notice that the Bible says, "There was
not a word of all that Moses had commanded that Joshua did not read to the
whole assembly of Israel, including the women and children." [Joshua 8:35]
And when I turn to the New Testament, I find children mentioned there as
partaking in public acts of religion as well as in the Old Testament. When Paul
was leaving the disciples at Tyre for the last time, he said, "We left and
continued on our way. All the disciples and their wives and children
accompanied us out of the city, and there on the beach we knelt to pray."
[Acts 21:5]
Samuel, in the days of his childhood,
appears to have ministered to the Lord some time before he really knew Him, the
Bible says, "Samuel did not yet know the LORD: The word of the LORD had
not yet been revealed to him." [1 Samuel 3:7] The Apostles themselves do
not seem to have understood all that our Lord said at the time that it was
spoken: "At first his disciples did not understand all this. Only after
Jesus was glorified did they realize that these things had been written about
Him." [John 12:16]
Parents, comfort your minds with these
examples. Do not be discouraged because your children do not see the full value
of church and the Lord’s Supper now. Just train them to have a habit of regular
attendance. Set it before their minds as a high, holy, and solemn duty, and
believe me, the day will very likely come when they will bless you for your
efforts.
Hint #8. Train them to have a habit of faith.
By this I mean, you should train them to
believe what you say. You should try to make them feel confidence in your
judgment, and respect your opinions, as better than their own. You should cause
them to think that, when you say a thing is bad for them, it must be bad, and
when you say it is good for them, it must be good; that your knowledge, in
short, is better than their own, and that they may rely implicitly on your
word. Teach them to feel that what they do not know now, they will probably
know later, and to be satisfied there is a reason for everything you require
them to do.
Who can describe the blessedness of a real
spirit of faith? Or rather, who can tell the misery that unbelief has brought
on the world? Unbelief made Eve eat the forbidden fruit—she doubted the truth
of God's word: "You will surely die." Unbelief made the old world
reject Noah's warning, and so perish in their sin. Unbelief kept Israel in the
wilderness—it was the barricade that kept them from entering the promised land.
Unbelief made the Jews crucify the Lord of glory—they did not believe the voice
of Moses and the prophets, even though they were read to them every day. And
unbelief is the reigning sin of man's heart down to this very hour—unbelief in
God's promises—unbelief in God's wrath and discipline—unbelief in our own
sinfulness—unbelief in our own danger—unbelief in everything that runs counter
to the pride and worldliness of our evil hearts. Your training of your children
is worth very little if you do not train them to have a habit of implicit
faith—faith in their parents' word, confidence that what their parents say must
be right.
I have heard it said by some, that you
should require nothing of children which they cannot understand, and that you
should explain and give a reason for everything you desire them to do. I
solemnly warn you against such a notion. I tell you plainly, I think it is an
unsound and corrupt principle. No doubt it is absurd to make a mystery of
everything you do, and there are many things which it is good to explain to
children, in order that they may see that what we say is reasonable and wise.
But to bring them up with the idea that they must take nothing on trust, that
they, with their weak and imperfect comprehension, must have the " why
" and the "wherefore" made clear to them at every step they
take—this is indeed a fearful mistake, and likely to have the worst effect on
their minds.
At certain times, if you are so inclined,
reason with your child, but never forget to keep in mind (if you really love
him) that he is only a child—that he thinks as a child, he understands as a
child, and therefore must not always expect to know the reason for everything.
Set before him the example of Isaac, in
the day when Abraham took him to offer him as a sacrifice on Mount Moriah
[Genesis 22]. Isaac asked his father a simple question, "Where is the lamb
for the burnt offering?" and he got no answer but this, "Abraham
answered, "God himself will provide the lamb." How, or where, or
when, or in what manner, or by what means—all this Isaac was not told; but the
answer was enough. He believed that it would all be okay, because his father
said so, and he was content.
Also, tell your children, that we must all
be learners in all of our beginnings, that there is an alphabet to be mastered
in every kind of knowledge—that the best horse in the world once needed to be
broken—that a day will come when they will see the wisdom of all your training.
But in the meantime if you say a thing is right, it must be enough for
them—they must believe you, and be content.
Parents, if any point in training is
important, it is this. I charge you by the love that you have for your children,
use every means to train them to have a habit of faith.
Hint #9. Train them to have a habit of obedience.
This is a goal which is worth any amount
of effort to attain. No habit, I believe, has such an influence over our lives
as this. Parents, determine to make your children obey you, though it may cost
you a lot of trouble, and cost them many tears. Let there be no questioning,
and reasoning, and disputing, and delaying. When you give them a command, let
them clearly see that you expect them to do it.
Obedience is the only reality. It is faith
visible, faith acting, and faith manifest. It is the test of real discipleship
among the Lord's people. Jesus said, "You are my friends if you do what I
command." [John 15:14] It ought to be the mark of well-trained children,
that they do whatever their parents command them. Where, in fact, is the honor
which the fifth commandment directs, if fathers and mothers are not obeyed
cheerfully, willingly, and at once?
Early obedience has all Scripture on its
side. It was Abraham who said, that he will not only train his family, but
"that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the
way of the LORD by doing what is right and just." [Genesis 18:19 It is
said of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, that when He was young, He was obedient
to Mary and Joseph. [Luke 2:51] Observe how implicitly Joseph obeyed the order
of his father Jacob in Genesis 37:13. See how Isaiah speaks of disobedience as
an evil thing, when he says, "the young will rise up against the
old." [Isaiah 3:5] Note how the Apostle Paul names disobedience to parents
as one of the terrible sins of the last days. [2 Timothy 3:2] Note how he
singles out the obedience of children as one of the requirements of a Christian
minister, saying, "He must manage his own family well and see that his
children obey him with proper respect." [1 Timothy 3:4] And again that,
"a deacon must manage his children and his household well." [1 Timothy
3:12] And again, an elder must be "a man whose children believe and are
not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient." [Titus 1:6]
Parents, do you want to see your children
happy? Be careful, then, that you train them to obey when they are spoken to—to
do as they are told. Believe me, we are not made to be entirely independent—we
are not fit for it. Even those whom Christ has set free have a yoke to wear,
they "are serving the Lord Christ." [Colossians 3:24] Children cannot
learn too soon that this is a world in which not everyone was intended to rule,
and that we are never in our right place until we know how to obey those over
us. Teach them to obey while they are young, or else they will be protesting
against God all their lives, and wear themselves out with the vain idea of
being independent of His control.
My friends, what I suggest to you is
greatly needed. You will see many in this day who allow their children to
choose and think for themselves long before they are able, and even make
excuses for their disobedience, as if they were not to be blamed for it. In my
eyes, a parent who is always yielding, and a child who always has its own way,
are a most painful sight—painful, because I see God's appointed order of things
inverted and turned upside down—painful, because I feel sure the consequence to
that child's character in the end will be self-will, pride, and conceit. Is it
any wonder that men refuse to obey their Father who is in heaven, if you allow
them, when children, to disobey their father who is on earth.
Parents, if you love your children, let
obedience be a motto and a watchword continually before their eyes.
Hint #10. Train them to have a habit of always speaking the
truth.
Speaking the truth is far less common in
the world than we may suspect. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth, is a
golden rule which many would do well to bear in mind. Lying and deception are
old sins of the past. The devil was the father of them—he deceived Eve by a
bold lie, and ever since the fall of man it is a sin which all the children of
Eve have to guard against.
Think about how much falsehood and deceit
there is in the world! How much exaggeration! How many untruths are added to a
simple story! How many things are left out, if it does not serve the speaker's
interest to tell them! How few there are around us of whom we can say, that we
trust their word without question! Truly, the ancient Persians were wise in
their generation: it was a most important rule with them in educating their
children, that they should learn to speak the truth. What an awful evidence of
man's natural sinfulness, that we should have to mention such a point at all!
My friend, think how often God is spoken
of in the Old Testament as the God of truth. Truth seems to be especially set
before us as a leading feature in the character of Him to whom we are subject
to. He never swerves from the straight line. He abhors lying and hypocrisy. Try
to keep this continually before your children's minds. Press upon them at all
times, that anything less than the truth is a lie; that evasion, making
excuses, and exaggeration are all halfway houses towards what is false, and
ought to be avoided. Encourage them in any circumstances to be straightforward,
and, whatever it may cost them, to always speak the truth.
I bring this subject to your attention,
not merely for the sake of your children's character in the world, but rather
for your own comfort and assistance in all your dealings with them. You will
find it a great help, to always be able to trust their word. It will go far to
prevent that habit of concealment, which so often prevails among children.
Openness and straightforwardness depends a lot on a parent's treatment of this
matter in the early days of our childhood.
Hint #11. Train them to have a habit of always redeeming the
time.
Idleness is the devil's best friend. It is
the surest way to give him an opportunity of doing us some harm. An idle mind
is like an open door, and if Satan does not come through it himself, it is
certain he will throw something in to arouse bad thoughts in us.
No created being was ever meant to be
idle. Service and work is the appointed portion of every creature of God. The
angels in heaven work—they are the Lord's ministering servants, always doing
His will. Adam, in Paradise, had work—he was appointed to work and take care of
the garden of Eden. And man, weak, sinful man, must have something to do, or
else his soul will soon get into an unhealthy state. We must keep our hands
busy, and our minds occupied with something, or else our imaginations will soon
ferment and breed mischief.
And what is true of us, is true of our
children too. The Jews thought idleness was an absolute sin: it was a law of
theirs that every man should train his son in some useful trade—and they were
right. They knew the heart of man better than some of us appear to today.
Idleness made the wicked city of Sodom
what she was. [Ezekiel 16:49] Idleness had a lot to do with King David's awful
sin with the wife of Uriah. I see in the Book of 2 Samuel, chapter 11, that
Joab went off to war against the Ammonites, "but David remained in
Jerusalem." Was that not idleness? And it was during that time of idleness
that he saw Bathsheba—and the next step we read of is his tremendous and
miserable fall into the sin of adultery.
Truly, I believe that idleness has led to
more sin than almost any other habit that could be named. I suspect it is the
mother of many sins of the flesh—the mother of adultery, sexual immorality,
drunkenness, and many other deeds of darkness that I do not have time to name.
Let your own conscience say whether I speak the truth or not. You were once
idle, and immediately the devil knocked at the door and came in.
And why should this surprise us—everything in the world around us seems to teach the same
lesson. It is the
still water which becomes stagnant and impure: the running, moving streams are always clear.
If you have machinery, you must run it now and then, or it soon begins to rust
or break down. If you have a horse, you must exercise him; or he will not be
strong for regular work. If you want to have good bodily health yourself, you
must exercise. If you always sit still, then in time your body will complain.
And so is it with the soul. The active moving mind is a hard target for the
devil to shoot at. Try to be always full of useful employment, and thus your
enemy will find it difficult to get room to plant evil thoughts.
My friend, I ask you to set these things
before the minds of your children. Teach them the value of time, and try to
make them learn the habit of using it well. It pains me to see children wasting
time. I love to see them active and industrious, and giving their whole heart
to all they do; giving their whole heart to lessons, when they have to
learn—giving their whole heart even when they are playing.
But if you really love your children, then
let idleness be counted as a sin in your family.
Hint #12. As you train your children, make sure that you
maintain a constant fear of being an over-indulgent parent.
This is the one point out of all the rest
on which you have the most need to be on your guard. It is natural to be tender
and affectionate towards your own flesh and blood, and it is the excess of this
very tenderness and affection which you have to fear. Be careful that it does
not make you blind to your children's faults, and deaf to all the advice that I
am giving to you. Be careful that your love for them does not make you overlook
their bad conduct, rather than you experiencing the pain of inflicting
punishment and correction.
I am very aware that punishment and
correction are disagreeable things. Nothing is more unpleasant than giving pain
to those we love, and causing them to cry. But so long as hearts are what
hearts are, it is vain to suppose, as a general rule, that children can ever be
brought up without correction.
Spoiling is a very expressive word, and
sadly full of meaning. Now the quickest way to spoil children is to let them
have their own way—to allow them to do wrong and not to punish them for it.
Believe me, you must not do this, whatever pain it may cost you unless you wish
to ruin your children's souls.
You cannot say that Scripture does not
specifically speak on this subject, listen to God’s Holy Word:
"He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." [Proverbs 13:24]
"Discipline your son, for in that
there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death." [Proverbs 19:18]
"Folly is bound up in the heart of a
child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." [Proverbs
22:15]
"Do not withhold discipline from a
child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death." [Proverbs 23:13, 14]
"The rod of correction imparts
wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." [Proverbs
29:15]
"Discipline your son, and he will
give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul." [Proverbs 29:17]
Oh, how strong and compelling are these
verses! How sad it is, that in many Christian families they seem almost
unknown! Their children need reproof, but it is hardly ever given; they need
correction, but it is hardly ever employed. And yet this book of Proverbs is
not obsolete and unfit for Christians. It is given by the inspiration of God,
and is beneficial. It is given for our learning, even as the Epistles to the
Romans and Ephesians. Surely
the believer who brings up his children without paying attention to the wisdom
of these verses is making himself wise above that which is written, and greatly
errs.
Fathers and mothers, I tell you plainly,
if you never punish your children when they are at fault, you are doing them a
grievous wrong. I warn you, this is the great mistake made by saints of God, in
every age, and they have suffered greatly because of it. I beg you to be wise, and
avoid making such foolish mistakes. We can see it in Eli's case. His sons
Hophni and Phinehas "made themselves contemptible, and he failed to
restrain them." [1 Samuel 3:13] He gave them no more than a tame and
lukewarm reproof, when he ought to have rebuked them sharply. In one word, he
honored his sons above God. And what was the final result? Eli lived to hear of
the death of both of his sons in battle, and upon hearing the news he fell over
and died, taking the sorrow with him, down to the grave [1 Samuel 2:22-29].
See, also, the case of David. Who can read
without pain the history of his children, and their sins? Amnon's
incest—Absalom's murder and proud rebellion—Adonijah's scheming ambition: truly
these were grievous wounds for the man after God's own heart to receive from
his own house. But was he not at fault? I fear there can be no doubt that he
was. I find a clue to it all in the account of Adonijah in 1 Kings 1:6, listen
to the Scriptures, "His father had never interfered with him by asking, ‘Why
do you behave as you do?’" That was the foundation of all the evil. David
was an over-indulgent father—a father who let his children have their own
way—and he reaped according to what he had sown.
Parents, I plead with you, for your
children's sake, beware of over-indulgence. I call on you to remember, that it
is your primary duty to consult their real interests, and not their whims and
fantasies—to train them, not to humor them—to train them for their benefit, not
merely to please them.
You must not give way to every wish and
whim of your child's mind, no matter how much you may love him. You must not
let him assume that his will is all-important, and that he has only to desire
something and it will be done. Do not, I beg you, make your children idols, lest
God should take them away, and break your idol, just to convince you of your
folly.
Learn to say "No" to your
children. Show them that you are able to refuse whatever you think is not right
for them. Show them that you are ready to punish disobedience, and that when
you speak of punishment, you are not only ready to threaten, but also to
perform. Do not threaten too much. Seldom punish, but when you do, make it
sincere and firm—frequent and light punishment is truly a wretched system of
discipline.
Some parents have a way of saying,
"Naughty child," to a boy or girl on every slight occasion, and often
without good cause. It is a very foolish habit. Words of condemnation should
never be used without real reason.
As to the best way of punishing a child,
no general rule can be laid down. The characters of children are so vastly
different, that what would be a severe punishment to one child, would be no
punishment at all to another. I am emphatically opposed to the modern notion
that no child ought ever to be whipped. Doubtless some parents use bodily
correction far too much, and far too violently; but many others, I fear, use it
far too little.
Beware of letting small faults pass
unnoticed under the idea "it is a little one." There are no little
things in training children; all are important. Little weeds need plucking up
as much as any. Leave them alone, and they will soon be large and overpowering.
Friend, if there is any point which
deserves your attention, believe me, it is this one. It is one that will give
you trouble, I know. But if you are not willing to put forth the effort, it
will take, to discipline your children when they are young, then be assured
they will give you plenty of trouble when they are old. Choose which you
prefer.
Hint #13. As you train your children, continually remember how
God trains His children.
The Bible tells us that God has an elect
people—a family in this world. All sinners who have been convinced of sin, and
fled to Jesus for peace, make up that family. All of us who really believe in
Christ for salvation are its members.
Now God the Father is always training the
members of this family for their everlasting home with Him in heaven. He acts
like a farmer pruning his vines, that they may bear more fruit. He knows the
character of each one of us—our besetting sins—our weaknesses—our special
needs. He knows our deeds and where we live, who our companions in life are,
and what our trials are, what our temptations are, and what our privileges are.
He knows all these things, and is always working out everything for our good.
He allots to each of us, in His providence, the very things we need, in order
to bear the most fruit—He gives us as much sunshine and rain as we can stand—as
much of bitter things as we can bear, and as much of sweet things that would be
good for us. Dear friend, if you want to train your children wisely, note well
how God the Father trains His children. He does all things well; the plan which
He adopts must be right.
Notice, too, how many things there are
which God withholds from His children. The majority of His children, have had
desires which God has determined not to fulfill. There has often been some one
thing they wanted to attain, and yet there has always been some barrier to
prevent fulfillment. It has been just as if God was placing it above our reach,
and saying, "This is not good for you; this must not be." Moses
greatly desired to cross over the Jordan, and see the land of promise; but you
will remember his desire was never granted.
Notice, also, how often God leads His
people by ways which seem dark and mysterious to our eyes. We cannot see the
meaning of all His dealings with us; we cannot see the reasonableness of the
path in which our feet are walking. Sometimes so many trials have assaulted
us—so many difficulties surrounded us—that we have not been able to discover
the purpose of it all. It has been just as if our Father was taking us by the
hand into a dark place and saying, "Don’t ask any questions, but just
follow Me." There was a direct road from Egypt to Canaan, yet Israel was
not led into it; but round and round, through the wilderness. And this seemed
very hard at the time. "The soul of the people," we are told,
"became very discouraged on the way." [Exodus 13:17; Numbers 21:4]
Also, see how often God chastens His people with trial
and affliction. He sends them crosses and disappointments; He lays them low
with sickness; He strips them of property and friends; He changes them from one
position in life to another; He visits them with things that are most difficult
to flesh and blood; and some of us have almost fainted under the burdens laid
on us. We have felt pressed beyond strength, and have been almost ready to
murmur at the hand which chastened us. Paul the Apostle had a thorn in the flesh
assigned to him, some bitter bodily trial, no doubt, though we do not know
exactly what it was. But this we do know—he pleaded with the Lord three times
that it might be removed; yet it was not taken away [2 Corinthians 12:8, 9].
Now, dear friends, despite all these
things, did you ever hear of a single child of God who thought his Father did
not treat him wisely? No, I am sure you never did. God's children will always
tell you, in the long run, it was a blessed thing they did not have their own
way, and that God had done far better for them than they could have done for
themselves. Yes! And they could tell you, too, that God's dealings had provided
more happiness for them than they ever would have obtained themselves, and that
His way, however dark at times, was the way of joy and the path of peace.
I ask you to take to heart the lesson
which God's dealings with His people is meant to teach you. Do not be afraid to
withhold from your child anything you think will do him harm, whatever his own
wishes may be. This is God's plan.
Do not hesitate to give him commands, of
which he may not presently see the wisdom, and to guide him in ways which may
not now seem reasonable to his mind. This is God's plan.
Do not shrink from chastising and
correcting him whenever you see his soul's health requires it, however painful
it may be to your feelings; and remember medicines for the mind must not be
rejected because they are bitter. This is God's plan.
And, above all, do not be afraid that such
a plan of training will make your child unhappy. I warn you against this
delusion. Depend on it, the road to unhappiness is always having our own way.
To have our wills checked and denied is a blessed thing for us; it makes us
value enjoyments when they come. To be perpetually indulged is the way to
become selfish; and selfish people and spoiled children, believe me, are seldom
happy.
Brethren,
do not pretend to be wiser than God—train your children as He trains His.
Hint #14. Train them, remembering continually, the influence of your own example.
Instruction, and advice, and commands will
profit little, unless they are backed up by the pattern of your own life. Your
children will never believe you are serious, and really wish them to obey you,
so long as your actions contradict your instruction. One minister I know, made
a wise remark when he said, "To give children good instruction, and a bad
example, is the same as pointing out to them the way to heaven, while we take
them by the hand and lead them down the road to hell." [Tillotson]
We have no idea of the force and power of
example. None of us can live to himself in this world; we are always
influencing those around us, in one way or another, either for good or for
evil, either for God or for sin. They see our ways, they note our conduct, they
observe our behavior, and what they see us do, they assume we think is right.
And never, I believe, does example tell so powerfully as it does in the case of
parents and children.
Fathers and mothers, do not forget that
children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. No school will ever
make such deep marks on character as does the examples found in the home. The
best of school teachers will not imprint on your children’s minds as much as
they will pick up in your living room. Imitation is a far stronger principle
with children than memory. What they see has a much stronger effect on their
minds than what they are told.
Be careful, then, how you act in front of
a child. It is a true adage, "He who sins in front of a child, sins
double." Strive to be a living epistle of Christ, so your families can
clearly read it. Be an example of reverence for the Word of God, reverence in
prayer, reverence at the Lord’s Table, reverence for the Lord's day. Be an
example in words, in temper, in diligence, in moderation, in faith, in love, in
kindness, and in humility. Do not think for a moment that your children will
practice what they do not see you do. You are their model, and they will copy
what you are. Your reasoning and your lecturing, your wise commands and your
good advice; all this they may not understand, but they can understand your
life.
Children are very quick observers; very
quick in seeing through some kinds of hypocrisy, very quick in finding out what
you really think and feel, very quick in adopting all your ways and opinions.
You will often discover that, as the father is, so is the son.
Remember the word that the conqueror
Caesar always used to his soldiers in a battle. He did not say "Go forward,"
but "Come." So it must be with you in training your children. They
will seldom learn habits which they see you despise, or walk in paths in which
you do not walk yourself. He that preaches to his children what he does not
practice, is wasting his time. It is like the old fabled web of Penelope, who
wove all day, and unwove all night. Even so, the parent who tries to train
without setting a good example is building with one hand, and tearing down with
the other.
Hint #15. Train them, remembering continually, the power of sin.
You must not expect to find your
children's minds a sheet of pure white paper, and to have no trouble if you
only use right means. I warn you plainly you will find no such thing. It is
painful to see how much corruption and evil there is in a young child's heart,
and how soon it begins to bear fruit. Violent tempers, self-will, pride, envy,
irritability, passion, idleness, selfishness, deceit, cunning, lying,
hypocrisy, a terrible aptitude to learn what is bad, a painful slowness to learn
what is good, a readiness to pretend anything in order to gain their own
ends—all these things, or some of them, you must be prepared to see, even in
your own flesh and blood. In little ways they will creep out at a very early
age; it is almost startling to observe how naturally they seem to spring up.
Children require no schooling to learn how to sin.
But you must not be discouraged and
depressed by what you see. You must not think it a strange and unusual thing,
that little hearts can be so full of sin. It is the only inheritance which our
father Adam left us; it is that fallen nature with which we come into the
world; it is that inheritance which belongs to us all. May the awareness of it
make you more diligent in using every possible means which seem most likely, by
God's blessing, to counteract the evil. Let it make you more and more careful,
so far it lies with you, to keep your children out of the way of temptation.
Never listen to those who tell you your
children are good, and well brought up, and can be trusted. Rather, remember
that their hearts are always ready to burst into flame like dry tinder. At
their very best, they only need a spark to ignite their evil. Parents are
seldom too cautious. Remember the natural depravity of your children, and be
careful.
Hint #16. Train them, remembering continually, the promises of
Scripture.
This point is meant to guard you against
discouragement.
You have an absolute promise on your side,
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not
turn from it." [Proverbs 22:6] Think what it is to have such a promise
like this. Promises were the only lamp of hope which cheered the hearts of the
patriarchs before the Bible was written. Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob,
and Joseph—all lived on a few promises, and prospered in their souls. Promises
are the energizers which in every age have supported and strengthened the
believer. He that has a clear text of Scripture on his side need never be
depressed. Fathers and mothers, when your hearts are failing, and ready to give
up, look at the words of this text, and take comfort.
Think about who it is that promises. It is
not the word of a man, who may lie or repent; it is the Word of the King of
kings, who never changes. Has He ever said something, and not done it? Or has
He ever spoken a promise, that He will not make good? Neither is anything too
hard for Him to perform. The things that are impossible with men are possible
with God. Oh, my friend, if we do not receive the benefit of the promise we are
dwelling upon, then the fault is not in Him, but in ourselves.
Think, too, what the promise contains,
before you refuse to take comfort from it. It speaks of a certain time when
good training will especially bear fruit—"when he is old." Surely
there is comfort in this. You may not see with your own eyes the result of
careful training, for you do not know what blessed fruits may spring from it,
long after you are dead and gone. It is not God's way to give everything at
once. "Later" is the time when He often chooses to work, both in the
things of nature and in the things of grace. "Later" is the season
when affliction bears the peaceable fruit of righteousness. [Hebrews 12:11]
"Later" was the time when the son who refused to work in his father's
vineyard repented and went [Matthew 21:29]. And "later" is the time
to which parents must look forward to if they do not quickly see success—you
must sow in hope and plant in hope.
"Cast your bread upon the
waters," says the Spirit, "for after many days you will find it
again." [Ecclesiastes 11:1] I do not doubt, that many children, will rise
up in the day of judgment, and bless their parents for good training, who never
gave any signs of having profited by it during their parents' lives. Go forward
then in faith, and be sure that your labor will not totally be wasted. Three
times, Elijah stretch himself upon the widow's child before it revived. Use him
as an example and persevere.
Hint #17. Lastly, train them with continual prayer for a
blessing on all you do.
Without the blessing of the Lord, your
best efforts will do no good. He has the hearts of all men in His hands, and
unless He touches the hearts of your children by His Spirit, you will wear
yourself out for nothing. Therefore, water the seed you sow in their minds with
unceasing prayer. The Lord is far more willing to hear than we are to pray; far
more ready to give blessings than we are to ask them—and, oh, how He loves to
be petitioned for our children. And I set this matter of prayer before you, as
the capstone and seal of all you do. I believe the child of many prayers is
seldom cast away.
Look upon your children as Jacob did on
his; he tells Esau they are "the children God has graciously given your
servant." [Genesis 33:5] Look on them as Joseph did on his; he told his
father, "They are the sons God has given me here," [Genesis 48:9]
Count them with the Psalmist to be "a heritage from the LORD. . . .a
reward from Him." [Psalm 127:3] And then ask the Lord, with a holy
boldness, to be gracious and merciful to His own gifts. Note how Abraham
intercedes for Ishmael, because he loved him, "And Abraham said to God,
"If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!" [Genesis 17:18] See
how Manoah speaks to the angel about Samson, saying, "what is to be the
rule for the boy's life and work?" [Judges 13:12] Observe how tenderly Job
cared for his children's souls, "He would sacrifice a burnt offering for
each of them, thinking, ‘Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in
their hearts.’ This was Job's regular custom." [Job 1:5] Parents, if you
love your children, go and do likewise. You cannot name their names before the
mercy-seat too often.
And now, friends, in conclusion, let me
once more press on you the necessity and importance of using every single means
in your power, if you would train children for heaven.
I well know that God is a sovereign God,
and does everything according to the counsel of His own will. I know that
Rehoboam was the son of Solomon, and Manasseh the son of Hezekiah, and that you
do not always see godly parents having a godly offspring. But I also know that
God is a God who works by means, and I am sure, that if you ignore the
suggestions I have mentioned, then your children are not likely to turn out
well.
Fathers and mothers, you may have your
children baptized, and have them enrolled as members of the Church—you may send
them to the best of schools, and give them Bibles, and fill them with head
knowledge but if all this time there is no regular training at home, I tell you
plainly, I fear it will go hard in the end with your children's souls. Home is
the place where habits are formed—home is the place where the foundations of
character are laid—home gives the bias to our tastes and opinions. Be sure, I
beg you, that there is careful training at home.
Fathers and mothers, I charge you solemnly
before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, make every effort to train your children
in the way they should go. I charge you not merely for the sake of your
children's souls; I charge you for the sake of your own future comfort and
peace. Truly it is your best interest to do so. Truly your own happiness in
great measure depends on it. Children have always been the bow from which the
sharpest arrows have pierced man's heart. Children have mixed the bitterest
cups that man has ever had to drink. Children have caused the saddest tears
that man has ever had to shed. Adam could tell you so; Jacob could tell you so;
David could tell you so. There are no sorrows on earth like those which
children have brought upon their parents. Oh! be careful, lest by your own
neglect you should store up misery for yourself in your old age. Be careful,
lest you weep under the ill-treatment of a thankless child, in the days when
your eyes are weak, and your body is dying.
If you ever wish that your children would
be the restorers of your life, and the nourishes of your old age—if you want
them to have blessings and not curses—joys and not sorrows: if this is your
wish, then remember my advice, train them while they are young, and in the right
way.
And as for me, I will conclude by saying a
prayer to God for all who listen to this sermon, that you may all be taught of
God to feel the value of your own souls. This is one reason why baptism often
is a mere form, and Christian training despised and disregarded. Too often
parents are not concerned about themselves, and therefore they are not
concerned about their children. They do not realize the tremendous difference
between man’s natural state and the state of grace, and therefore they are content
to leave their children alone.
Now may the Lord teach everyone of you,
that sin is that abominable thing which God hates. Then, I know you will mourn
over the sins of your children, and strive to get them off of the road to hell.
May the Lord teach everyone of you how
precious Christ is, and what a mighty and complete work He has done for our
salvation. Then, I feel confident you will use every means possible to bring
your children to Jesus, that they may live through Him.
May the Lord teach everyone of you your
need of the Holy Spirit, to renew, sanctify, and quicken your souls. Then, I
feel sure that you will urge your children to pray without ceasing, and never
rest till the Holy Spirit has come down into their hearts with power, and made
them new creatures.
May the Lord grant this, and then will I
have a good hope that you will indeed train your children well—train well for
this life, and train well for the life to come; train well for earth, and train
well for heaven; train them for God, train them for Christ, and train them for
eternity. Amen.
This file was updated
and provided by:
Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
Box 314
Columbus, New Jersey, USA, 08022
Website: www.biblebb.com
Email: tony@biblebb.com
Online since 1986
Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
Box 314
Columbus, New Jersey, USA, 08022
Website: www.biblebb.com
Email: tony@biblebb.com
Online since 1986
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